Resolve

I have been a slave to fear for as long as I can remember. It came to a point where the one thing I didn’t fear anymore was death. And truth is, that is something I still don’t fear. While that idea of not fearing death kind of haunts me a little, it doesn’t over take me in the slightest.

One of my longest running fears has been how I feel about someone. I am often lingering in the shadows, so to speak, when it comes to liking someone. The idea of confronting myself on it and them has always been so scary.

The first time I asked someone out was in college. I never could in high school. While she didn’t reject me out right, I got so caught up in what she thought of me I had a panic attack. That has effected me ever since. Today though, after a long personal journey through self-awareness over the last year or so, I felt good all day.

My gut instinct is strong. It’s telling me I’ve made the right choice. It’s as if the universe is setting things up for me to do what I need to do. I am going to talk to this young woman, the young mother with whom I’ve fallen in love with, and finally get something resolved. I love her and her son and I can’t stay quiet about it.

I have never felt so strong in this situation before. My gut hasn’t flinched about this once. It’s like I’m in-tune with the universe on this one thing. I really don’t know what’s going to happen. I am learning to have no expectations on the outcome nor to attach my feelings to the outcome. Learning… I am not totally there yet, but I am still learning.

My gut feeling on this is all good. I trust my feelings. I love this young woman. I know my life can continue on without her and her son. It’s a matter of wanting to keep them in my life. It’s taken me a long time to understand that feeling.

So I leave it now, for the time will come and I will have my answer.

Wish for the best.

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” If you realize that Coincidences are manifestations of your non-local (omni-present) self… it’s the animating force of life, what people might even refer to as the soul. This non-local self is what orchestrates synchronicity, so actually when you get in touch with it there are more and more coincidences that are going to be happening in your life, and if you ask yourself what is the meaning of that? and you find the meaning as well and you take advantage of that, you’ll create good luck or what spiritual traditions have called a state of grace. ”

-Deepak Chopra

” If you realiz…

As you move through the day, be aware of how you treat yourself. Be aware of what you do to and for yourself, because you set the standard for others. As you grow in your awareness of how you treat yourself, you will probably become aware of the example you have set for others. You may realize that the time has come to set a new example.

~ Iyanla Vanzant

As you move thr…

Embracing the Dorkside!

For a few years now, I’ve enjoyed playing Role-Playing Games (RPG). The best and well known example is Dungeons & Dragons (D&D). The one I’ve played most is Pathfinder. If you know anything about D&D, then you will know Pathfinder is based on D&D version 3.5 and 3.75 (If I’ve lost you already don’t worry)

If you don’t know what all RPG’s entail, then read this paragraph, otherwise you can skip this one. 

In Role-playing, you create a character based on a Race (Human, Elf, Dwarf, Gnome, Half-ling, etc… They have a lot you can choose from) After that you choose your Class (Fighter, Cleric, Wizard, Rogue, Monk, etc… They also have a lot to choose from) Many people will choose their class first and then race since the different abilities of each race can help more in one class over another. After you’ve figured out all your stuff for the character you start the game. The actual game is going on adventures, getting past obstacles either by out smarting the in game characters or just fighting them.

You can buy books for gaming or, like I have, you can download the books. Well I finally decided to buy the players hand book, it has the core rules for the very basic and beginning of playing. They have come out with a lot more since then, but it is still a very important book. I know find myself excited to get my book, I ordered it online and waiting is always a pain…. 

While it might not seem like much to some, it is me actually investing money into something I otherwise have only invested time into. I’ve gotten into things in the past, card games, board games, anime, TV shows, etc and it has, more often than not, led me to lose interest and hold on to the things I get instead of just selling or giving stuff away. While it is only one book it is still a commitment to me that I hope I don’t lose interest in or lose the group I do this with.