Resolve

I have been a slave to fear for as long as I can remember. It came to a point where the one thing I didn’t fear anymore was death. And truth is, that is something I still don’t fear. While that idea of not fearing death kind of haunts me a little, it doesn’t over take me in the slightest.

One of my longest running fears has been how I feel about someone. I am often lingering in the shadows, so to speak, when it comes to liking someone. The idea of confronting myself on it and them has always been so scary.

The first time I asked someone out was in college. I never could in high school. While she didn’t reject me out right, I got so caught up in what she thought of me I had a panic attack. That has effected me ever since. Today though, after a long personal journey through self-awareness over the last year or so, I felt good all day.

My gut instinct is strong. It’s telling me I’ve made the right choice. It’s as if the universe is setting things up for me to do what I need to do. I am going to talk to this young woman, the young mother with whom I’ve fallen in love with, and finally get something resolved. I love her and her son and I can’t stay quiet about it.

I have never felt so strong in this situation before. My gut hasn’t flinched about this once. It’s like I’m in-tune with the universe on this one thing. I really don’t know what’s going to happen. I am learning to have no expectations on the outcome nor to attach my feelings to the outcome. Learning… I am not totally there yet, but I am still learning.

My gut feeling on this is all good. I trust my feelings. I love this young woman. I know my life can continue on without her and her son. It’s a matter of wanting to keep them in my life. It’s taken me a long time to understand that feeling.

So I leave it now, for the time will come and I will have my answer.

Wish for the best.

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