The day you decide that you are more interested in being aware of your thoughts than you are in the thoughts themselves – that is the day you will find your way out.

~Michael Singer

The day you dec…


Embracing the Dorkside!

For a few years now, I’ve enjoyed playing Role-Playing Games (RPG). The best and well known example is Dungeons & Dragons (D&D). The one I’ve played most is Pathfinder. If you know anything about D&D, then you will know Pathfinder is based on D&D version 3.5 and 3.75 (If I’ve lost you already don’t worry)

If you don’t know what all RPG’s entail, then read this paragraph, otherwise you can skip this one. 

In Role-playing, you create a character based on a Race (Human, Elf, Dwarf, Gnome, Half-ling, etc… They have a lot you can choose from) After that you choose your Class (Fighter, Cleric, Wizard, Rogue, Monk, etc… They also have a lot to choose from) Many people will choose their class first and then race since the different abilities of each race can help more in one class over another. After you’ve figured out all your stuff for the character you start the game. The actual game is going on adventures, getting past obstacles either by out smarting the in game characters or just fighting them.

You can buy books for gaming or, like I have, you can download the books. Well I finally decided to buy the players hand book, it has the core rules for the very basic and beginning of playing. They have come out with a lot more since then, but it is still a very important book. I know find myself excited to get my book, I ordered it online and waiting is always a pain…. 

While it might not seem like much to some, it is me actually investing money into something I otherwise have only invested time into. I’ve gotten into things in the past, card games, board games, anime, TV shows, etc and it has, more often than not, led me to lose interest and hold on to the things I get instead of just selling or giving stuff away. While it is only one book it is still a commitment to me that I hope I don’t lose interest in or lose the group I do this with.

The calm before the storm; This is going to be an interesting Month

Today has been a very peaceful day for me. I am relaxed and feel good. I’ve been getting a feeling about this next month being interesting. And I realize it all starts tomorrow with where I am traveling to, and what I’ll be doing there. There is a whole scope of things coming this next month that has yet to reveal itself to me.

I just know tomorrow will be the start of something big. I could feel that last month/ the current month was going to be good and it has in many ways. The word “interesting” is loaded with a lot of good, but I feel a lot of unexpected good coming from it as well. With change there is always something new presented, and that’s what I feel coming. Something new. 

So I will face this new challenge, it’s going to be a challenge, with open arms, and open mind, and I will do my best with it. That’s all I can ask of myself.

Disturbed tonight.

Just watched a movie I’ve only heard about in passing from friends. This was after talking to an old friend of mine about how she grew up. The movie is messed up and with knowing what her childhood was like I feel shaken right now.

I’m thankful for everything in my life. The people I love and care about. A place to call my own. A better tomorrow to look forward to. The people that look forward to seeing me. The new perspective I have on life, that has been growing for over a year now.

I am grateful for the family I have, we weren’t perfect, but it wasn’t from a lack of caring and understanding and of course love. I am grateful for the friends I have met. I am grateful that I can be there for them and support them. 

I am grateful that I can wake up tomorrow knowing all this, and can continue making my life better from learning and growing.

“I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars.”
~ Og Mandino

I have been watching Full Metal Alchemist Brotherhood lately. In later episodes, I believe 52 and 53, one of the main characters is faced with vengeance. His relentless pursuit to find the one who killed a friend of his and to kill them in return.

It reminds of a time where I was so consumed by my own darkness and I could even remember what that felt like. I had a daydream of sorts in which that part of me reveals itself to being very much alive within. But at the same time, it has none of its power. Anyone who’s seen the episode’s know what the killer is and what it’s true power was.

It’s power comes from manipulating feelings. Convincing someone to do something that only feeds their hatred. Holding on to that darkness and letting it consume you is where it gets its power. Not the darkness itself but the obsession of thoughts and feelings that you put value into.

Watching these episodes, and having my daydream, showed me a past that I have out grown. By comparison, I have learned just how much I have let go of the things that do not matter in life and how pointless those hangups were.

The truest gift of darkness is showing you just how bright your light can glow.

“I will love th…

Way of the Peaceful Warrior


It took me far too long to pick up and read this book. Every time I picked it up to read, I enjoyed it greatly. The things I’ve learned from this book have been truly Awesome, by the definition of the word Awesome.

Learning that the actions of others are merely a refection of their own internal struggle. I learned that my own “issues” with others are things I don’t like within me. It is a simple matter of identifying it, owning up to it, and then resolving it within.

When I see my brothers place, I have an issue with it being a mess. I do this because I know he is capable of cleaning it. The real issue is I have a messy place and know full well, I am capable of cleaning it. So when I see it with him, I’m really identifying it with me.

I have learned to enjoy the simple things of the here and now. I sat at the park not to long ago, right after finishing this book. I felt the sun beat down on me. I felt the wind blowing on me I could feel the bench underneath me. How my legs were crossed, I could hear the sound of the wind blowing, along with people in different parts of the park talking. I sat there not thinking about anything, just feeling and sensing the world around me. I started to smile and feel so much bliss I almost burst out laughing.

Unreasonable happiness! That is, happiness for no reason at all.

I was living in the moment and it was Great!

I watch the son of a close friend of mine who I have talked about before. I love that kid so much! I have unwittingly learned so much from him that is found in this book. He is one of the happiest people on the planet. Because he has yet to “learn” the “reasons” not to be.

I watched him two days last week and was worried about where to go with him and what to do. I foolishly thought I had to out do the last time I watched him. What I started to realize the second day of watching him was, he didn’t really care about that. All he wanted was to be with me.

That is true love right there. I have learned what it really means to have unconditional love from my pet Yorkie. She loves me for no definable reason. And the same goes for this little kid, who I lovingly refer to as my little punk.

Both days that I watched him, he tried to leave with me after his mom got home and I was heading out. Both times she had to hold him while I left. She told me earlier the second day that he doesn’t like giving her hugs or kisses goodbye, but that night shortly before leaving, he first hands me four of his string cheese sticks and tells me to keep them in my fridge for him (which I have, and they are still there). Then he waits for me to pick him up to give him a hug.

That love has made the world of difference for me. As it has for him.

As the book talks about, I have watched him get upset and emote his feelings. Once he goes through his feelings, he is good again. I have caught myself feeling something like anger or disgust after reading an article or seeing something I don’t like, and then move on without a care. Feeling your emotions, expressing them, and then letting them go.

The last lesson of the book was very eye opening. You don’t have to do what the character does to appreciate the lesson. The perspective you gain is incredible. The understanding that what we do in this life holds as much meaning as we put in.

The feelings and thoughts we have are only as powerful as we make them. There is no point to dwelling on the past. It has happened and is over with. There is no point in worrying about the future, it hasn’t happened yet. The only way to make the future what we want is to be here and now. Make every action count and keep every thought focused on what you really want.

This book has taught me more than I could have hoped for. Because of this young mother and her son, I now understand and realize this quote:

“The Sword of The Peaceful Warrior is LOVE.” ~~ Gary Amirault

It’s the love I feel for them, and myself, that made understanding and reading this book possible. It is that love that I now carry with me to face every battle.  I have so much more to learn, but I have a good starting point on it and I will continue on my journey. Now I know that whatever I do, as long as I give it my all, stay mindful every step of the way, Nothing can stop me from reaching my goals.


Love Love